One time I hit my brother
so hard I thought I killed him,
but he was never supposed to exist
in the first place, so I didn’t
really feel that bad about it.
But what would I tell my parents?
They call him a mistake,
but in a doting way and I just hate that.
They like him–they really, really like him,
probably more than me.
So do I cry and pretend it was an accident?
He did not end up dying
but he did crumple
like a piece of paper in my arms
and he asked me to forgive him
for whatever he did wrong
and I didn’t know what to say
because he didn’t do anything wrong,
I just didn’t know why he had to exist.
Together we buried this secret
alongwith that time he ate an extra
piece of candy so we called it even
Maybe I was just too young to understand–
except I did understand.
One time I hit my brother so hard he forgot
but I never will.