K| A Letter To My Former Self

Every now and then, I find myself looking for you. I wonder how you’ve been doing, how you’ve adjusted to your new life without me.

Even though I know why you’ve gone (we had a long, strewn-out fight and I finally kicked you out), I don’t know where you’ve went. To be honest, I can’t say that I miss you very much. Your awkward fashion sense, your out-of-place bangs, and your Hello Kitty underwear were good riddances. But, I do, of course, wish you the best of luck because I still care about you at least a bit, although, either way, you’re not going to survive out there.

I’m not trying to be mean or anything – I just figured you deserved to know about your impending demise.

You will not be able to survive out there with your cynical attitude, your refusal to listen to other people, and your lack of appreciation for your friends. You are not going to make it out alive by talking back to your mom every time she tries to care about you.

You think you’re so cool just because a cute boy threw you your surprise 12th birthday party, but in less than a month you’re going to find out that he didn’t invite you to his birthday party, because, by then, he would have already ditched you for some other girls. You think you are so much better than the boys your parents force you to carpool with and that’s why you never talk to them, but in a few years they would have gotten higher SAT scores than you and you’re going to congratulate them and really mean it, because you would have realized that it was incredibly stupid to think you’re better than them when you’re not. However, they will continue to be really annoying. You will just have learned to appreciate them regardless.

You are just fooling yourself when you say you don’t like dresses and you hate the color pink, because you have always known deep down that you are absolutely a girly girl. You are not a tomboy even though you try so hard to be one just to impress some people who have never been nice to you before and never will be nice to you.

You will start wearing make-up. It will be messy at first. You will face backlash from your dad, but you’ll eventually figure out how to wear make-up as a way to enhance your features, not mask them. You will learn how to feel pretty and in turn be pretty. You will become confident. You will forget how to be jealous of people, instead, you will only admire.

You will say “I love you” to some guy who doesn’t deserve it and you will let him touch you in ways you don’t deserve it. Then, you will date a few more boys that weren’t the best choices, but you will learn from those mistakes and you will become a stronger person. You will then grasp the importance of independence. You will realign your priories. You will stop craving attention from boys and instead crave to be a better student, crave to be a better person.

You will spend a few summers taking on the most amazing internships and you will learn how to talk to adults for the first time while maintaining eye contact. You will make money. You will spend some of it, stupidly. Then, you will learn how to manage your money.

You will start looking up to your mom, and I mean really, really looking up to her, because she is a truly inspiring woman. You will start taking her advice. You will start hugging her every single day.

You will also start appreciating your dad. It will take you a long time to notice all that he does for you, but once you do notice, you will never forget to love him.

Pretty soon, you will realize that you are no longer you.

You will be older.

You will be stronger.

You will be happier.

You will love yourself and even though you will never ever want to back to the way you once were, you will realize the beauty of your growth and take the time to write this letter.

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