J| 101 Thoughts I Have When I See A Cute Boy

Because right now I spy a cute boy. (Please be warned. It gets a little weird.)

  1. “Oh my God.”
  2. “He’s so cute.”
  3. “I wonder if he has a girlfriend?”
  4. “I’m sure he does. He’s so cute there’s no way he would be single.”
  5. “But then again, he’s so handsome, he probably has insanely high standards.”
  6. “But he looks so nice!”
  7. “He probably likes to volunteer at children’s hospitals…”
  8. “…and animal shelters…”
  9. “…and soup kitchens…”
  10. “Wow… he’s so perfect…”
  11. “I wonder what he’s doing here.”
  12. “Is he waiting for someone?”
  13. “HIS GIRLFRIEND?”
  14. “Maybe his mom.”
  15. “God, his mom is probably super hot.”
  16. “His dad is probably super hot too.”
  17. “EW. WHAT AM I THINKING. His dad is probably like 60.”
  18. “Isn’t Tom Cruise like 60?”
  19. “Let me look him up on my phone.”
  20. “53? HE’S OLDER THAN MY DAD. EW.”
  21. “But he aged so, so, nicely.”
  22. “Back to the cute boy. He’s on his phone now. Probably reading up on the war on drugs or something.”
  23. “He’s so distracted. I wonder if he would notice if I snapped a picture so I could show my friends.”
  24. “Maybe if I held the camera like I was taking a selfie.”
  25. “Like thisss…”
  26. “OH SHI – he looked up!”
  27. “Quick. ACT NORMAL AND BUSY.”
  28. “WHAT AN INTERESTING BATHROOM SIGN.”
  29. “WHAT AN INTERESTING COFFEE MUG.”
  30. “WHAT AN INTERESTING BARISTA.”
  31. “Hm. He’s kind of hot too.”
  32. “Not as hot as my cute boy, though.”
  33. “But barista boy could probably get me free coffee…”
  34. “No! Bad girl! No imaginary cheating on cute boy!”
  35. “I wonder if the two would fight over me.”
  36. “They’d probably rip off their shirts and fight on a pile of coffee beans, all dirty and sweaty…”
  37. “Ewewew. Imagine if they just heard what I thought.”
  38. “They’d be disgusted.”
  39. “FRICK. WHAT IF THEY CAN READ MY MIND.”
  40. “THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.”
  41. “POOP.”
  42. “I POOPED A BIG POOP THIS MORNING.”
  43. “FRICK. SOMETHING ELSE.”
  44. “BOOKS. I LOVE BOOKS. LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. BOOKS ARE SO GREAT. BOOKS ARE WINDOWS TO THE WORLD.”
  45. “Wait… Cute boy is still looking at me.”
  46. “POO. Did he notice me looking at him?”
  47. “No way… I’m way too sleuthy.”
  48. “Way too clandestine.”
  49. “Way too surreptitious.”
  50. “I LOVE SAT WORDS.”
  51. “But then why is he looking at me?”
  52. “Aw, fudge, maybe I look weird?”
  53. *looks into phone screen to check face* “I don’t look weird… Oh my God. Oh my GOD!”
  54. “I HAVE A ZIT! Don’t look at me. I’M HIDEOUS!”
  55. “I need to wear a paper bag over my face forever.”
  56. “Maybe I should go ask barista boy for one.”
  57. “But he’d probably tell me, ‘Hey baby. You’re too pretty for a paper bag.'”
  58. “Barista boy is so much nicer.”
  59. “He doesn’t look at me funny for having a zit.”
  60. “He’d probably love me even if I got wrinkly and fat.”
  61. “I should marry him.”
  62. “He’d look great in a tux.”
  63. “But so would my cute boy.”
  64. “I wonder if I would cheat on barista boy if cute boy came onto me.”
  65. “Probably.”
  66. “Barista boy deserves someone better.”
  67. “I won’t go and ask for a paper bag for the sake of his happiness.”
  68. “I don’t want him to fall in love with someone who he can’t have…”
  69. “Sorry, barista boy… my heart belongs to someone else…”
  70. “Speaking of him, he’s still staring at me!”
  71. “He can’t possibly be this intrigued with my zit.”
  72. “That lady over there has a zillion zits! Go stare at her!”
  73. “…maybe he thinks I’m cute.”
  74. “LOLOLOLOL. I CRACK MYSELF UP.”
  75. “…but actually.”
  76. “I’m going to pretend that I just noticed him and give him a smile.”
  77. *smile* “Oh my god. I think I forgot how to smile.”
  78. “Oh my god. He looked away.”
  79. “HE THINKS I’M SO WEIRD NOW.”
  80. “WAHHHHH.”
  81. “WAHHH”
  82. “WAH”
  83. “He’s looking at me again.”
  84. “OMG HE SMILED.”
  85. “Omg I think he’s in love with me.”
  86. “His smile is so nice.”
  87. “His teeth are so white.”
  88. “His dimples are so deep.”
  89. “What the – he’s getting up.”
  90. “Where is he going?”
  91. “HE’S COMING TOWARDS ME.”
  92. “FFFF. ACT NATURAL.”
  93. “HE’S COMING CLOSER”
  94. “He’s cuter up close.”
  95. “GO AWAY. I’M NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED TO TALK TO YOU YET.”
  96. “Wait. He just walked past me.”
  97. “Where is he going?”
  98. “HE’S MOVING AWAY FROM ME”.
  99. “FFFF. COME BACK.”
  100. “HE’S GETTING FARTHER.”
  101. “…he has a nice ass.”

*inspired by Buzzfeed

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